What do I do?
\”He tricked me\”, Sandy says
She seems remorseful. She tells the story of how her Corper boyfriend had sent her suggestive text messages and how she had initially resisted them. She had reciprocated those messages later on. When she finally visited him, the words that had been expressed over the air metamophorsed into action.
\”I could kill him now\”, She fumes. \”I gave him something he didn\’t deserve\”.
I sit there and look into the space before me, seeing nothing. I wish she would just stop talking about him. She seemed to feel a compulsion to bring up his name with every topic we discussed. Sometimes, it was to rain abuses on him. Sometimes, her face was suffused with that girlish adoration for him.
\”He is my heaven-sent love\”. She says.
The twinkle in her eyes say it all. And with those words, she had just added acid to injury.
I remember my dreams of how my first and only relationship would look like: Two souls completely devoted to each other, completely free from the distractions of extraneous romantic ties.
\”Are you angry, you are not saying anything\”.
I don\’t want to sound jealous. I keep quiet and I contemplate her face. The half-grin betrayed a fading excitement. The slight frown exposed nascent worry.
\”I feel like kissing you\”. She says, leaning towards me.
I move away. She seems embarassed.
\”I\’ve told you I don\’t believe in physical intimacy before marriage!\”
I feel prude, naive even. Somehow, I feel a bit little. She knows everything about kissing. I know nothing. My convictions stand sure anyway, and I am never going to change my mind.
\”How then are we going to relieve tension?\” She asks, with a hint of anger and disbelief in her voice.
\”You are the one under tension!\” I retort.
She is deflated. She starts crying.
\”You don\’t love me\”, She yells.
Tears fill my eyes. Now I am thinking that I made a mistake asking this girl out. In every possible way, she has demonstrated to me that she is not the kind of girl I had in mind.
Her text messages over the past two weeks have been full of suggestive hints. At first, I had told her I didn\’t feel comfortable with them. Then she had complained that I was judging her, condemning her. So, I stopped protesting.
Those messages were growing on me. The more I kept quiet, the more I felt the inevitability of my eventual surrender to her wiles.
I have given her my word to always stand by her, even when the rest of the world forsakes her. Now, I feel caught in the trap of the promises I have made.
My conscience is a heavy burden. What do I do now?