A Single At Christmas.
I don’t know exactly why I didn’t like the holidays in years past. But lately I’m beginning to understand why. It’s because I’m just well…bloody lonely. I end up spending Christmas and the holidays all by myself. I know what you’re thinking. Why don’t I go to spend the holidays with my family? Well, my folks died a long time ago. My only brother lives in another country. And all my close friends are married.
I didn’t plan my life this way. At 32, a successful computer systems analyst, I’d thought I’d have a wife and two kids by now. But I’ve not been able to find a suitable candidate for wifehood. The ladies I’ve met just seem like candidates for good lays and since I’ve decided to do away with that part of my life I can’t comfort myself with that. The dates I’ve gone on have been banal at best.
In the past years, I’ve tried spending Christmas with my friends. Even though they would bring their girlfriends and fiancées along, it managed to be fun. However this year they’d all got hitched and domesticated. And they were planning to spend Christmas with their spouses cuddled up with their families or with in-laws. They’d invited me to come but I wouldn’t want to intrude or stick out like a sore thumb. So I was officially a Lone Ranger this season.
I had tried to prepare myself for the drought with the newest Robert Ludlum on the block, Play Station III and a handful of really inspiring messages. I’d tried to give my apartment a Christmassy feel by buying a Christmas tree. I even got myself a Christmas cake from the Chocolat Royal. I scanned the TV for any hit shows happening around this period. Then I realized for the really decent ones it would suck to be without a partner.
I was really looking forward to the office Christmas party. It was usually a lot of fun simply because I was usually the life of the party but this time around I didn’t feel up to doing the impersonations of my vice-president or make jokes about bus conductors. Everyone came with their partners. I had asked my secretary who as of the last time I knew was unattached but she gleefully informed me that she couldn’t make it as she would be traveling to her village with her husband to be. I was really bummed out. The music at the party didn’t help too. They were playing a lot of slow music and the couples were holding each other tight on the dance floor. I had never felt lonelier.
Oh well, I’ll just settle for going for the Christmas carol in my church this week. Perhaps it would give me a bit of the elusive Christmas cheer that I seek…
P.S: Watch out for Part 2.