So I was having a random discussion with a friend and we were discussing relationships. I was debunking the theory of ‘the perfect one’ as I was of the opinion that any relationship could work if the two partners were committed to making it work and shared the same values. My friend agreed that the big things were important, but that it was actually the small things that could actually be a big deal for some relationships, and gave an example of a friend who couldn’t last with any lady if she refused to take a shower every night before she dropped off to sleep. What if the girl has spent the whole day in Lagos island traffic and all she wants to do is get out of her work clothes, take off her heels and sleep biko? Can’t there be a compromise on such an issue? I could understand if the girl was a total slob and the guy was a neat freak, but breaking up with a girl because she didn’t take a shower every night before going to sleep? I felt that was going overboard. But like a friend would say: “Issorai. To each his own.”
When another guy said: “Look if she hasn’t watched any of the Star wars movies, nope, sorry.” Then I knew I had heard it all. Anyway, that discussion made me go to town and try to find out what exactly the deal breakers are according to guy speak naija flavor. So ladies, if you are wondering why that guy suddenly broke up with you for no reason, it may be advisable to take a look at some of these points. we would
Here are some of the major deal breakers guys talked about:
1. Cheating: This is the number one of the deal breakers. As long as you guys have made it clear to each other that you are in an exclusive relationship, finding intimacy with another guy whether emotional or physical is one thing guys can’t seem to accept all over the world. Almost nine times out of ten, he’d up and leave. Forget the fact that he’s had his own share of side flings. Men love exclusivity when it comes to their women.
2. Sexual history: Uh in Nigeria, there are definitely a lot of changes taking place. People are not as conservative as they used to be. Things like sex are actually being discussed openly everyday among young people. However a lot of Nigerian men still find it difficult to accept women with a colorful sexual history. It’s just a fact. That’s why many girls sometimes decide to take those secrets with them to the grave and some are successful in that regard. I really think it’s much safer though(for both men and women) to leave that part of your life unexplored until you are in the right and safe environment for it, which is marriage.
3. Flirting with other guys: It’s ok to be friends with your boyfriend’s male friends but you need to be careful about anything that could be misconstrued as flirting. So laugh at the guys jokes but not too much. Avoid touching his arm for instance. Keep your distance and make it clear that you are with the other guy no matter the amount of sizzling chemistry between you both. You don’t want to give your beau the wrong impression.
4. Family history: As a friend put it: ‘No one wants to be with the crazies.’ At first, I didn’t really understand what he meant but then I thought about it for a bit. We are all products of the environment we grew up in and they can affect us adversely or positively in one way or the other. He said he is somewhat wary of a good girl who comes from a family riddled with abusive or violent people. In one way or the other, her environment was bound to affect her. Another said he was wary of girls who came from single parent homes. While I personally believe that you shouldn’t judge people solely based on where they’re from, I think it’s important to realize that they may have some issues based on their family background. What makes the difference in relationships like these is whether the other partner can cope with those issues and, whether the two of them can work through or are willing to work through those issues or not.
To be continued…