The Tattlers Colummn

The consensus has always been that it is the women that gossip.

But take a look at this.

And this.

This post is not to debate about who tattles the most either men or women. In my own little experience, I realized that men usually have the 411 on most things. And they can tell it like it’s hot. As tempting as a debate on that may sound, instead of doing that we need to take a close look at what gossiping is.

Gossip is that juicy story you tell, usually about other people to someone who is not privy to the information. It is a secret you might have overheard from someone or you might have been told yourself. Usually gossip in our circles start like “Ehen-hen? Can you imagine? That slut Sade just got married.\” Then the other responds as “Really. Tell me something.” Since you know Sade who might well be your friend, you have the privilege of telling the sensational story to the other party of how Sade was such a slut and how nobody else knew.  Then you proceed to pick Sade apart one by one. You can go on and on about how generations of Sade’s family were crooks and prostitutes.  In fact, you can foretell how future generations of Sade’s family can end up being like her. Well this is how gossip among ladies usually goes.

The gossip among males takes a different turn.  They need a primer to start usually. (I like their approach by the way; it’s a bit more subtle) While ladies can easily do it one or one, men like to gossip in a group. The girl in question Sade, only needs to pass in front of them or someone that looks like her and then they can start.

“That babe really looks like Sade o,” one might say.

“Oh Sade the one that is about to get married?” another guy might reply.

“Yeah. I pity the poor guy that wants to marry her,” another guy might say knowingly.

“Why?” the uniformed guy might ask.

And then the guys can proceed to spill the beans about Sade’s escapades. And how her family seemed to have made a business out of being prostitutes. And so the fire starts. Many times the gossip gets back to the person involved and the results are usually not pretty.

While gossip is like a form of intimacy, which causes a form of false bond it can be pretty dangerous. It can start fires that are not so easily put out. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying secrets can’t be shared. But before you spill that juicy detail-try to subject it to the following test.   When you tell someone a secret-are you telling someone who can help or give discipline and correction? Are you talking to someone wise enough to help you process your feelings and courageous enough to make you do the right thing, or confessing where you’re at fault? Is the news approved for sharing? Are you breaking a confidence and if so, is it strictly because the person is endangering someone’s life, including their own? Are you willing to divulge your source so it can be checked? When you say this, does it break your heart? Have you examined your own life and confessed your sin in such areas? Are you praying for the person? Would you be comfortable if someone was saying this about you? Now if your sharing that intimate detail can pass this test, then you are home free. But if not, watch out, you just might be a tattler.