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“I want to ask you a question,” Sandy says, looking a bit embarrased. “I don’t know how you will take it.”
“I can handle anything,” I tell her.
“Hmm.”
“Go on, ask me,” I urge her.
“What do you think about sex in a relationship?” she asks me. She seems shy.
I pause and wonder why she’s asking the question. I know girls may be a bit apprehensive about what a guy’s intentions are, especially since most guys nowadays just want to have their fun and go on testing the waters.
“I don’t believe in sex before marriage,” I say finally. “I think that it is a sin. I believe that it is not because I am righteous that I have been able to keep myself, it has been by God’s grace and I don’t judge anyone.”
She gets quiet and pensive. She looks hurt, no, scared.
“Do you mean you have never had sex?” she asks.
“Yes.” She starts to cry. I am shocked.
“I am not a virgin,” she says. “Would you still want to be with me?”
I am double shocked. I have never considered my preferences in sexual experience of a prospective mate. Here, right now, the question is being thrown at me. We started seeing each other not long ago and I had promised to always be by her side. This seems to be a test of that resolve.
“Don’t worry, I will always be with you.”
I am hurt. My eyes sting me. I could burst into tears now. What have I been keeping myself for all these years? Why have I been avoiding self-gratification if the first woman who I would go into relationship with had been giving herself out freely?
What do I do now?
By Victor
This is a very interesting situation Vic. Guys so like having ‘fresh colts that have never been ridden’ but I think he needs to sit down and evaluate. Does he really love her? If he does, a mistake made in the past should not be too big of a deal
hahaha. Fresh colts. Maybe. There’s something to be said for freshness anyways. Virgin mary, fresh colt, fresh tomb……
Ok. None of us will be a messiah. We already have one.
What points/parameters do you think he should evaluate? What considerations would trump the golden fleece of an intact hymen and undistorted emotions?
Hmm. Tough world it is. But you need to hear some truths. ‘A man can recieve nothing if not given to him from above’. Staying celibate does require serious effort and wisdom and I must commend you for your considerable achievement in remaing sexually untouched till this stage. But many people lose their virginity not exactly by ‘giving themselves out freely’ as you called it. Many have it taken in circumstances they had little say in, by a bad househelp, even molested by family members when they were young and naive. Your girl may be one of those who were unfortunate to fall victim of such stuff.
Thanks @Ife. Valid point there. I personally think that a man/woman should forgive their partner’s past and focus on the present and future. It is alarming how frequently girls get molested at an early age by cousins, neighbours, etc. Many are scarred for life and some can’t get past it. Parents have a lot of work to do. However, what do you do about a partner who is stuck in her past and wants to drag you into it?
Please read the recent episodes for a better grasp of the purpose of this piece.